The Top 5 Things I’ve Learned About Fatherhood
I wasn’t ready to become a father in the literal sense. I was rooted in faith, married to a wonderful woman, and loved kids. So in that way, I had the foundation laid, but by no means was I “ready". Griff came as a beautiful surprise to us in 2018. I’ve had seven Father’s Days that came with seven years of learning on the job. In these situations the cliche “There’s no handbook for this” is often thrown around. But I’ve got the best handbook known to man: the Bible. I’ve also had a father and two grandfathers that taught me a lot about the art of fatherhood. And it is art. There’s no right or wrong answer, it’s all subjective.
The kicker: what I’ve learned in nine years of working with families is that everyone believes they’re doing it right. Have you ever tried someone else how to parent? You might as well slap yourself in the face to save you some time. So this list isn’t a “here’s what you need to do” list. Enough bloggers do that. This list of The top 5 Things I’ve learned about Fatherhood is me expressing important lessons that I’ve learned and you can either take or leave them. Buckle up, because this is my first, and maybe last, parenting blog.
Dad needs to be the spiritual leader. This is for you believers, rooted in faith, striving to steer your kids to a future with Jesus. This is NOT to say a mom’s faith does not matter. It does. But there is undeniable evidence that shows a dad who clearly pursues Jesus daily leads to a higher percentage chance that the kids will grow up as believers as well. Did you know that 76% of incarcerated minors come from fatherless homes? Dads matter. Being a dad is not just about protection or providing money. It’s about doing whatever it takes to ensure your kids find eternity with Jesus. Believe it or not that includes having '“feelings” conversations, praying over your children, and maybe even cracking open your Bible once in a while.
Words are contagious. Every once in a while one of my sons says something rude or crude. I do the parent thing and rebuke them. “Don’t you ever say that”. “Where did you learn that?” Then we move on. And then typically what happens is a day later I say that same thing to my wife or a friend. And it hits me like a brick. “Oh. It was me, wasn’t it.”.
Now as a father I could just leave it by expressing that I’m allowed to say those things but they can’t. But I want to live a “set apart” life. That means I need to avoid hypocrisy and model to my kids what to and not to say.
Something has to go. Parents want to have their cake and eat it too. We want; sleep, friends, money, fit bodies, to be present with our friends, and hobby time. I really struggled when I realized that I can’t have it all.
Let’s play a game while you’re reading this. Pick one to give up: Sleep, friends, fitness, or work. Take a second and think about it. If you’re like me you skipped the choice portion and kept it moving. I still can’t choose what to keep and what to give up. The thing that stinks is that every single day we have to make that decision There’s no solution here, just me saying I learned that life is hard. Woohoo!
Sports should be fun. I had my very first experience as a sports dad this year. It was traumatic. I spent 10 years coaching high level basketball. Because I must have brain damage I decided to replace that with coaching first grade basketball.
Have you ever tried to herd squirrels? Not fun.
We get to the first game and my eyes were opened to a world I could have never imagined. Let me remind you these kids are 6 years old. The other coach was intentionally cheating by allowing his players to double team while he screamed “TAKE IT FROM THEM” for 60 straight minutes. Parents were mocking kids from the bleachers. I’m pretty sure I was getting heckled at one point. But after the game I looked around and saw that none of the kids left with a good experience. I did what any wise person does. I took it to facebook. If you’re wondering, I didn’t get any sound advice. Just friends telling me that this is how it is and it only gets worse.
Sports are temporary. Your relationship is forver.
You can only control yourself. When I became a dad I didn’t realize how hard it would be to bite my tongue around other parents. One of things things I have to continually say to my self is that I can only control myself and my own kids. Like I mentioned up front, everyone thinks they’re parenting the right way.
There’s nothing you can say in that moment that will cause them to fix their kid who is climbing up walls like Spiderman and throwing their food on the floor as if it was a one-man food fight. Pray for ‘em. Love ‘em. And try not to punch ‘em.
I don’t have the answers. I have many issues. My kids aren’t perfect. But I hope you can relate to my plight of becoming a good father.
