Top 5 Funniest Stories in the Bible

I love a good laugh. It’s important to smile every so often. I’ve found a few humorous passages from the Bible. The book, although very serious, has some stories that you can’t help but chuckle at. Here are my top 5 funniest stories from the scriptures.

5. Jonah’s Plant Dies

Jonah 4:6-8 - Then the Lord God provided a leafy plant and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the plant. But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the plant so that it withered. When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind, and the sun blazed on Jonah’s head so that he grew faint. He wanted to die, and said, “It would be better for me to die than to live.”

There’s this cliche movie trope where a sulking character finally has something good happen to them and right when they relax it’s immediately ripped away. We watched Scrat from Ice Age desperately try to obtain an acorn for multiple years. Every time he got close it was whisked away by some sort of disaster. 

Jonah was being a huge crybaby. Most people associate him with being inside of a fish. But I remember him as being a whiner. In the midst of one of his fits God gives him respite from the Sun with a plant offering shade. The next day, just like the classic movie trope, his shade is gone. He embraces his inner 5 year old and pleads for death rather than being hot. For some reason that gives me a good laugh. It reminds me of my son taking the smallest of issues and amplifying it to the nth degree. I’m glad the Bible shows us the unglamorous sides of the human condition.

4. Jacob Marries The Wrong Woman

Genesis 29:20-25 - So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her. Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed.” So Laban gathered together all the people of the place and made a feast. But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and he went in to her. (Laban gave[b] his female servant Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her servant.) And in the morning, behold, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?”

Could you imagine working 7 years for a man just for the blessing of marrying his daughter? All we have to do nowadays is have a kind of awkward conversation. Now imagine when you ask for your future father in law’s blessing you have to provide free labor for him for 7 whole years. Brutal.

Now imagine, after 7 whole years you FINALLY get to be with the woman of your dreams. You wake up in pure bliss. Huge smile on your face. You roll over. WHAM. It’s the wrong sister. What was going through his mind? Regret? Horror? Depression? 

This would qualify as a huge reveal in a romcom. 

3. Elijah Taunts The Prophets Of Baal

1 Kings 18:25-27 - Then Elijah said to the prophets of Baal, “Choose for yourselves one bull and prepare it first, for you are many, and call upon the name of your god, but put no fire to it.” And they took the bull that was given them, and they prepared it and called upon the name of Baal from morning until noon, saying, “O Baal, answer us!” But there was no voice, and no one answered. And they limped around the altar that they had made. And at noon Elijah mocked them, saying, “Cry aloud, for he is a god. Either he is musing, or he is relieving himself, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.”

As someone with an athlete’s mindset I really relate to Elijah here. Every once in a while the competitor comes out in good fun. Elijah challenges the representatives of the god Baal to a miracle competition. When their god obviously comes up short, Elijah begins the mid-game taunts equivalent to synchronous chants of “airrrrrr balllllll” during a basketball game.

Elijah suggests that maybe their god is asleep or perhaps busy doing other things. He tells them maybe they should wake him up. It’s the kind of smack talk that there’s no rebuttal to. Their god doesn’t exist. They just have to eat it. Every time I read this story and get to that section I smile knowing I have a connection to this guy. Everyone loves a fun poking, except the poke-ees :)

2. Balaam Talking Donkey

Numbers 22:27-30 - When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, it lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat it with his staff. Then the Lord opened the donkey’s mouth, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?” Balaam answered the donkey, “You have made a fool of me! If only I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.” The donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?”

Who knew a worldwide popular Shrek character came from the Bible. A talking donkey… C’mon that’s just funny. I can just imagine Donkey staring straight in his eyes with a huge smile saying “And in the morning, I’m making waffles.”.

If your donkey just started talking to you wouldn’t you just kind of laugh? I mean, I know there’s shock, but it’s pretty funny. 

But that’s not the funniest part. The donkey gets one shining moment to represent all of animal kind. Balaam is hitting him and out of nowhere he gets the once in a millennium chance to speak up. The donkey basically says “dude you need to chill”. Balaam says no. The donkey then has to reason with him. Imagine being so confused that a donkey has to be the only way for someone to reason with you. The donkey is like “Man, I've been your pet for years. Would you just cool it?”. 

1. Man Falls From Window Asleep

Acts 20:7-10 - On the first day of the week we came together to break bread. Paul spoke to the people and, because he intended to leave the next day, kept on talking until midnight. There were many lamps in the upstairs room where we were meeting. Seated in a window was a young man named Eutychus, who was sinking into a deep sleep as Paul talked on and on. When he was sound asleep, he fell to the ground from the third story and was picked up dead. Paul went down, threw himself on the young man and put his arms around him. “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “He’s alive!”

This is by far the funniest story in the scriptures. Have you ever listened to a long story teller? Someone who doesn’t know how to read an audience. They’re going on and on and on and on. You start thinking about random things. Next thing you know, you realize you’re making a face that isn’t appropriate for the reaction needed for the story they’re telling.

Yeah, this is the next level up from that. This dude Eutychus is so bored that he falls asleep on the window sill. He then falls from the third story! I mean this sounds like it’s straight out of a comedy movie. A character gets hit by something that should have killed them. Everyone reacts as if he dies. He then jumps up and says “I’m fine!”. That’s precisely what happens. 

You cannot read this without a laugh. The next time you’re stuck in a long boring story, remember our buddy Eutychus and lock in. Especially if near a balcony.